I Need Time

Yeah, I need time... real bad.

Not time to find myself and know just what it is that makes my life meaningful because I love my life as it is, frustrations, pitfalls and all. I don't need time to think of this marriage I am in because despite the imperfection that makes this union perfect in its own way, I am more than glad to have been the gift of a husband like the man I have in my life. I don't need time to think of the course I am treading where motherhood is concerned because I walk through my role as a mother one day at a time... because I ask the Lord each day to guide me on how I deal with my growing kids because I couldn't rely solely on my own judgment and decide I had been right all along. Neither do I need time to contemplate on whether I am happy with my profession because despite having started this teaching journey at the wrong foot (not my choice, that is), I have realized that God had known all along that I needed to be planted in this garden where my love could freely grow because He looked forward into my future to have known I'd be happiest in this kind of career.


So, just what sort of "TIME" do I need if I don't need the space that everyone seems to be looking for... to find themselves, to realize their full potentials, to be alone with the world?

Why does it sound that I am quite in a frustrated mood and mode that I want out? Or want to be in?

I shouldn't make your head go around in circles thinking what this silly mind of mine has concocted once again. I should go straight to the point and pour it all out, I know, but I want to beat around the bushes a little bit more if only to annoy you and make you scream with the sheer irritability of the nonsense that is my note, hehehe....


OKey, here goes...I need time.


More time to accomplish all my requirements so I don't have to worry about not being able to submit them on time, but since two priorities are overlapping, I finally know how it feels to be like a sandwich spread and get wedged between the yummy slices. I could choose to be a rotten spread and contaminate both slices, but if I do, I couldn't be doing it without spreading myself on both, right????

Now, I am making this all so confusing... because I am also confused myself.


It's better to be in a crossroads because I can choose to go back where I started when the road turns out to be the wrong one. But when you are right in between and there's a dead end at both ends, well, you can still choose to edge inch by inch sideways, upwards or downwards to get away. There's still a way.... it just takes time.


Okey, okey... don't get mad at me for this senseless ramblings that are running loose in my head and spewed through the keypad to this page. It's not my fault I couldn't make sense of what I really wanted to write in the first place.


Maybe, this is the very reason why...


I need time!