Wi-Fi Secured

Finally, after rummaging through all the papers I could find in search for an old SMART Bro bill, my wireless internet connection is as good as new.  I also found the CD installer of my Linksys Wireless-G Broadband router which made it all the more easier for me to key in a password and enabled me to choose a connection with higher security.

I never thought it'd come to this point, but I guess, enough is enough. I don't have complaints about the slower internet speed because I don't play RPG games in any way. I was content with the speed I have been used to. What mattered anyway was that I could communicate with loved ones far from me.

Some good things never last... that's what a familiar line states.  Indeed! I simply felt the need to put my foot down and say (even without saying the word) that enough is enough. I haven't gotten tired with people. I have simply gotten tired of my property being abused.

Finger Induced Infidelity

The advent of the cellular phone is one remarkable milestone in the history of communications technology. Through it, the verbal exchange has fast escalated to a high level. What used to take weeks to arrive at one's doorstep --- the traditional hand written messages , I mean--- now takes but a split second. Fast indeed, but unfortunately, impersonal and sometimes shallow and if not, too full of pretense. Yes, indeed. With only the fingers as the means of transmitting messages from one person to another and with the feeling of safety brought about by the anonymity of "only" the mobile number, one can create a scenario completely different from what reality is. To phrase it more bluntly, text messaging has fast become an instrument of deceit and infidelity.



Even with the physical presence of a lover --- or a spouse --- nearby, a partner could "unknowingly' be involved in a verbal tryst --- a verbal affair --- with another person. Many fall into the common trap: emotional attachment brought about by the sugar coated words of the text mate even without one ever realizing it. True, one doesn't feel at all guilty at having to share personal secrets, feelings, thoughts --- even a few below the belt banters --- after all, there is no physical involvement that's happening. But isn't it also said that when one unzips his/her heart to someone other than his/her spouse, it it the same thing as unzipping his/her jeans? Little by little, what begins as an innocent friendship through an exchange of friendly text messages and gradually becomes not so innocent flattery becomes the source of conflict for what used to be a solid relationship. Before one is even aware of it, the emotional virus brought about by the cellular phone has become successful in eroding the most essential foundations of a relationship: trust and respect.



Text messaging had been designed to keep communication lines open for people whose means of living have kept them apart from loved ones left behind. But what has happened is that, it is already employed by some to cheat on a spouse, generate income through fraudulent means --- I don't have to spell everything letter by letter because I have implied it clearly enough. Lately, it has become the gadget of doom especially for the young men and women who have fallen prey to its fatal tentacles --- the young girls of 14 and 15 who get pregnant all too soon --- or worse, raped and murdered by the sweet-talking text mate. It has also become a gadget of marriage destruction especially for the insecure husband and wife who couldn't find the compliment of a husband and/or a wife at home and whose heart skips a beat when someone sends a text message that tickles the ego notwithstanding the fact that there are people who have been hurt in the process.



Oh well, is this gadget even worth the cost of a solid family? I don't think so. That's why I have been

too careful as to how I use the cellphone. I own two units. One I use for work and one for my husband. But I never engage in useless exchange of senseless and childish flattery. I don't entertain messages that aren't important since I delete them as soon as they are received. Oh, I don't care so much what people will say about what I do and how I do things, but I care a lot about how my husband will feel --- because I know I wouldn't like it one bit if I found out he'd been saying sweet nothings to someone else even if it's only through the supposed anonymity of the text message. I wouldn't want to read romantic lines meant for him that do not come from me.



I am not jealous, I tell you. It's just that I have this eerie sense of knowing what happens even before it happens. Well, it's not something extraordinary actually because everyone knows that when one plays with fire, eventually, he gets burned. I just do not want to make a bet with the devil because I know that he would do everything in his power to win --- even with innocent text messaging.



I don't want to enjoy too much, the sheer thrill and power and joy brought about by the sugar coated words of a text mate because I might unknowingly fall in love with words... and scatter the debris of a shattered family and a broken home in its wake. I don't want to destroy the sanctity of my marriage just because of an emotional infidelity brought about by my wayward fingers ... and my overfed ego.



Well, well... just my two cents worth...



If you don't like it cause it stings, click on the exit sign and leave. But if it makes some sense, please ponder --- it might not be too late after all.

(original text published at Facebook on April 8, 2010)

That Crucial First Step

Is there someone alive so bold and daring so as to not feel a certain degree of apprehension, uncertainty or fear of taking in a step forward --- especially when that step leads her or him toward an unknown shore?


Maybe, there are a few adventurous people who will not feel the tingling nerve-endings when venturing out into the unknown. There are a few exceptional people with that "devil may care" attitude and who think that they can take on any challenge--- climb any mountain, sail any ocean and forge every stream --- even when the odds are dangerously high. Regardless of whether they had been successful at whatever endeavor they embarked on, it does not matter because what matters to them is the thrill of having to do something that isn't usually done.


I sometimes wish I had that kind of recklessness in me --- that wild abandon and impulsiveness of youth. I sometimes envy those who seem to have no fear in their blood, no reservations in their veins because it always seemed that they always lived life to the fullest --- but do they, really? I sometimes get to think how nice it would have been if I were the risk taker that I am not. Would it have brought me greater glory? Would it have led me to a certain kind of downfall?


I have always opted to tread within my familiar shores. While something in me dreams of soaring where even angels fear to tread, a large dose of common sense would always tell me to take things in stride because most of the time, situations can never be understood through the hurry and the haste. Yes, there have been a few times when I threw all caution to the wind and got to experience the exhilaration of a certain freedom: the freedom from having to fall into the stereotype, but always, when the momentary sense of triumph fades, something deep within would always ask, "Is the thrill even worth the risk of losing your self-respect?"


I am not implying that risk-takers are all set for self-destruction. What I do know is that, if worse comes to worse, they lose more than they are willing to bet --- if they were honest enough. But knowing their love for what's dangerous and thrilling, they'd soon fly out of the rut, flap their wings again and soar into yet another unfamiliar skyline. While I envy the resiliency that they portray, I couldn't imagine myself ever having to wallow in regret. Truly, no two persons could ever have the same attitude about life and how it is to be lived.


But what if, for once, I take that crucial first step into the unknown and be like someone I haven't known myself to be --- and yet someone who I so love to have become? What if I shed this safety shell that I have been carrying around me and venture out into the unknown? What if I'd try to fly unbidden and unrestrained by anything--- be it fear, inhibition or doubt? What if, for once, I take the risk and take a bet? What if, one day, I finally get to muster the courage to take that first crucial step? Will I still be the same me afterwards?


I couldn't tell, just yet...


And I haven't mustered the courage just yet --- not because of what you might call cowardice, but because of the fact that I am a wife and mother. And that whatever decision I make affects not only myself but also my young children and my husband.


Someday, I might make that first step ... but I sure wouldn't make it alone. And it wouldn't just be a single step. It would be a leap of faith for me, my two daughters and my husband --- a family's leap toward something brighter and better.

(original text published at Facebook on April 9, 2010)

Unsecure Wi-Fi Abused

When I bought my Linksys Wireless - G Broadband router three years ago, I did not key in a password on purpose.  I got tired of the single ethernet cable because at that time, there were three laptops at home (my brother's Toshiba (mom's gift to him), my old Acer (now used by Andrea) and the new one given to me by my husband.) It would have been a big hassle to key in a password every time we connect to the web.

Another reason why I did not input a password was because I had my colleagues in mind.  With most of us already owning a laptop (because laptops are a big help for teachers) and there is no internet connection at the municipality where I am teaching (except for the GPRS powered Globe Tattoo), I thought that I could help by keeping my Wi-Fi connection open. Many times, we would gather at the house especially during the lazy summer months and just enjoy each other's company. They would update various software, download movies or simply just connect with Facebook. I enjoy having them at home.

Lately though, the unsecured Wi-Fi has become a source of stress. Inconsiderate young people, some I don't even know, gather at the gazebo built in front of the house to connect to the web. Some play simulation games, some watch porn, some download mp3's, some do chatting with prospective mates --- well, whatever they do, I have no business over that, but they should at least learn to respect the privacy of my property. Some do not even ask permission --- they simply just sit on one of the chairs/ benches and act as though they own the place.  Some have the guts to invite their friends along --- the nerve! I am a very private person. I hate going to other houses for small chitchats and here is my gazebo, filled with young people whom I barely even know!

The gazebo is built with the purpose of being utilized as a relaxing area.  How on earth can this be when a number of people are occupying the property as though they own the place and stay there for hours on end??? I am not a selfish person, but at least they should set their own limits.  They should at least learn to consider that the homeowner may have plans of  using the gazebo.  And they should at least learn to keep their darned mouths shut because I hate noise. I hate listening to flirty shrieks. I hate shouting. It isn't me to go visit other people's houses and act as though it is my own place!

Where have all the morals of these people gone???

And so, I stapled a printed notice. It reads this way:

This is NOT a public Wi-Fi zone.  

Please respect the owner's

privacy!

Tidbits of Time

You come

Like sunshine on a gloomy day

Washing all of the loneliness

With the smile that lights your eyes

But just as swiftly as the seasons change

You are gone again

And I am left to reminisce

The profound sweetness

Of those tidbits of time

Your voice

Warms up the frozen recesses

Of this heart of mine

I can recognize that unmistakable sound

Even when it’s lost in the orchestra

Of this noisy world

The silence is deafening

All I hear are echoes

From those tidbits of time

Your touch

Kindles the passion

That boils deep inside

Nothing makes me feel like fireworks

No one ever makes me soar

The way you always do

But now I am alone

With only memories to warm me

Precious tidbits of time

Your love

Is what keeps me going

It’s all the inspiration I need

To want to go on living

You’re the half that makes me whole

You hold my heart; you’re the mate of my soul

I will wait for you

As I have always waited for you

I only live for those tidbits of time

(written 10-15-2011@11:03 PM... just because I miss you so much, papa!)

En Route To Finding Myself

Physically I am where I have been for the past years. Nothing new, no spectacular change of scenery or anything of the sort.  It's just that the boring summer vacation led me to venture into an area that most of us fail to visit ... our inner self.  In an attempt to thwart the inner voice within each of us and mislead it into believing that the life we live is as perfect as we would like to believe, deep within, we feel a certain emptiness and we know not where or how we could fill it.


I took summer classes so I would one day earn a degree in Master in Educational Management, but somehow, some things just comes and your outlook in life changes.  I have spent most of the hot summer days inside the house listening to Christian preachings and watching Christian videos --- the kind that feeds the spiritual hunger I have been waiting for so long to be satiated.  It's really true that when God gifts his wisdom to a chosen few, the speaker merely becomes a messenger .... the medium through which God speaks. 

I am not speaking about religious organizations because in the end, religion isn't what salvation is all about. It's all about keeping the faith whatever the circumstance. Congregationalism is, in fact, an enemy of the CHURCH because it makes one group superior and others inferior.  When we look at our relationship with God in strict and fanatical congregationalism, we fail to focus on the real reason for our existence --- GOD. We must remember that while religious organizations sprout like mushrooms, THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD.

In a way I have been walking around in circles en route to trying to find reason for my being.  I know who I am by name, but I still have to learn about who I am where my spirituality is concerned...

Reflecting

I am into one of those days when I am caught in a hopeless tangle of chores to do.   I find myself trying to address everything that needs my attention and yet in my confusion I lose perspective of what to prioritize which leads me to find myself in a hopeless of maze of trying to figure out what needs attending to firsthand.  You can blame my unorganized manner for this because for the longest time, I have been a believer of spontaneity.  I don’t do things on fixed schedule because the routine would surely bore me to hell. But with the onslaught of “things to do” that has bombarded my poor self ever since I started to pursue higher learning, I guess there’s a need to really realign my misaligned views on life, whew!

Paper works pile one after the other: both for work and for my studies.  No matter how much I try to balance the scale, it tips on the side where work is --- meaning work is prioritized.  After all, it’s bread and butter. It makes it easier to envision that requirements for this pursuit of a master’s degree are left on the side where they pile up higher that my standing height and I don’t see clearly ahead anymore.  I thought of dropping the subjects in mid August, but I thought about the practicality.  I have to pay everything for nothing if I did.  I opted for the practical option instead.  I continued on despite the Saturday calls of duty and ended up with more absences that my self respect could handle. I am not chasing the Summa Cum Laude citation anyway, I reason out, but deep within myself is this deep set dissatisfaction at what I have been achieving so far.  I know I could have done more had I been given more time the way I achieved my grades way back in summer. Who is to blame? Nobody.  It’s just that I sometimes feel a bit angry at myself even for situations that are out of my control.

As of encoding this, I am actually in the midst of this web quest inquiry to find materials for my Methods of Research.  Along the way, I stumbled on works of former college classmates who are now full-fledged doctors of philosophy, management and education.  It makes me even madder at myself for not having pursued higher learning at a much earlier time. In two years time, I will be forty (God willing) and forty years, I see today, is too late a time for me to have finished this masters degree which I ironically started to venture out ten years ago. Better late than never, so they say… and so I should not stop studying until I get that tasseled cap on this hard head o’ mine!