Reflecting

I am into one of those days when I am caught in a hopeless tangle of chores to do.   I find myself trying to address everything that needs my attention and yet in my confusion I lose perspective of what to prioritize which leads me to find myself in a hopeless of maze of trying to figure out what needs attending to firsthand.  You can blame my unorganized manner for this because for the longest time, I have been a believer of spontaneity.  I don’t do things on fixed schedule because the routine would surely bore me to hell. But with the onslaught of “things to do” that has bombarded my poor self ever since I started to pursue higher learning, I guess there’s a need to really realign my misaligned views on life, whew!

Paper works pile one after the other: both for work and for my studies.  No matter how much I try to balance the scale, it tips on the side where work is --- meaning work is prioritized.  After all, it’s bread and butter. It makes it easier to envision that requirements for this pursuit of a master’s degree are left on the side where they pile up higher that my standing height and I don’t see clearly ahead anymore.  I thought of dropping the subjects in mid August, but I thought about the practicality.  I have to pay everything for nothing if I did.  I opted for the practical option instead.  I continued on despite the Saturday calls of duty and ended up with more absences that my self respect could handle. I am not chasing the Summa Cum Laude citation anyway, I reason out, but deep within myself is this deep set dissatisfaction at what I have been achieving so far.  I know I could have done more had I been given more time the way I achieved my grades way back in summer. Who is to blame? Nobody.  It’s just that I sometimes feel a bit angry at myself even for situations that are out of my control.

As of encoding this, I am actually in the midst of this web quest inquiry to find materials for my Methods of Research.  Along the way, I stumbled on works of former college classmates who are now full-fledged doctors of philosophy, management and education.  It makes me even madder at myself for not having pursued higher learning at a much earlier time. In two years time, I will be forty (God willing) and forty years, I see today, is too late a time for me to have finished this masters degree which I ironically started to venture out ten years ago. Better late than never, so they say… and so I should not stop studying until I get that tasseled cap on this hard head o’ mine!